Monday, October 23, 2006

no words


i'm at a loss with words today.

although i can tell you in detail about my diwali or my sunday spent in the company of friends. and i can tell you about the weather, the light drizzle i soaked in yesterday with sun shining over the central park in connaught place. i can tell you about my desperate search for a rainbow then, as i'd read the science about the sun, the rain and a particular angle which forms them.

i can talk about this morning when i was late for no real reason at all. i can talk about this blank page which is not blank anymore, with little blue scribbles in blue ink and the pen that i hold in my hand writing all this. i can look deeply at the fingers holding this pen, the pores of these fingers and 'the lines' forming my varied destinies.

i've completed work, i've smiled at colleagues, i've co-operated with clients and heard whatever boss had to say. i've felt sun on my eyelashes and seen wind rustle the rusted leaves. i've heard ghalib and gulzar, lived lata and jagjit. i've been a poet, a philosopher, a writer, a child today, but however much i try, i can't explain what i'm feeling.

i can tell, talk, hear, see, touch a lot of things, but somehow i'm not these, i almost am not present here.

no poem, no prose, no rhyme, but still everything, so much, but still nothing. just a feeling of calm and a silent joy within. just a deep desire to stop someone from boarding a bus somewhere in the sunday that was yesterday.

and i still have no words to say what i'm feeling today.

because a lover knows, says osho, here. and this, perhaps would be the answer dwaipayan is looking for.
Soul Steps II by Pam Ingalls; Image courtsey: corbis.com

21 comments:

Aditi said...

I think I know the feeling you're talking about.. sometimes u're there going through the motions and yet u're not..

dwaipayan said...

I'm not commenting until u reply to our earlier comments

adi said...

dwai: how can i, when i can't? perhaps the link might help.

aditi: =)

dwaipayan said...

adi... never missed u like now..
it seems we are on the same boat. u board the one I left... and I'm in blue...

Ganesh Ranganathan said...

sometimes, feelings can't be expressed in words...they become deep for words to be effective

Revealed said...

Sometimes attempting to express a feeling in words spoils it. Dunno if you ever felt that but its a fragile thing, that should just be left untouched. Dont even breathe cos it might shatter. The nicest thing about feelings are that they're just like rainbows. No two people can see the exact same rainbow (cos of all the angles and thingamajigs that you spoke about, adi) and no two people can feel exactly the same feeling :). We can stand by and attempt to empathise but that's as far as we can go. Enjoy it while it lasts :)

Sweta Mohanty said...

thanks adi...the festive spirit is on, so is work :)
Wish u a great time ahead!

...read your post, jus one line that I was reminded of:
“After silence, that which comes nearest to expressing the inexpressible is music.”
– Aldous Huxley
Don't worry! :)

starry nights said...

You have expressed how you are feeling without even thinking about it.

Keshi said...

Adi there r some feelings that can never be expressed in simple words. Words dun do enough justice to those feelings. U have been feeling one of those feelings and I know what its like.

Keshi.

How do we know said...

At times like this.. silence is my secret retreat! Thank you for this post!

shruti said...

some feelings are beyond words...
so, let it be dont bound them...

starry nights said...

I forgot to tell you that I think your template is cool.and somehow reflects you.

Appu said...

adi, i havent blogged for a week. I had so much to write about and nothing to write about at the same time. and thats when my mind clams shut.

Anonymous said...

words,what r they,a mode of expression which might get faulty sumtimes. adi,i understand what u feel,hv been through it ssssseeeevvvvvvvveeeeeerrrrraaaallllll times. ofcourse funny bunny,u'l come out of it. its ok,if u cant express vid words,ur eyes,ur breath,ur soul,ur each n everything will tell,just study the hints.:)
TAKE CARE BOSS
SWEET FACTORY:)

deepti said...

Words are nothing but a deception and still v all like to say vat v have to coz v want others to feel it,v ourselves want to feel it,v want to feel it through other faces, a recognition dat starts right in d heart n travels all d way out in d world manifesting itself in vatever v do,v see, v feel n v love... Words are nthing bt a mirage... N still loveable,v live in them... they are n they r nt...

shadows said...

dear dee and adi.......i wud like to answer to ur suggestion.....
just check up the comments page on my bnlog.....and yeah incase u dont or cant do that, tell me,i will personally mail u....or call u\.....but these thin gs dont happen o ver the phone..... i guess i need to tell u a few more things a bt hagrid that u wudnt have wanted to know......


shadows....

shadows said...

adi .,....do read the answer to ur comment on my page...if u dont or cant do that do tell me,.......co zi guess itys high time u know a few more things abt hagrid.....
thanks

dwaipayan said...

I want nayi post...nayi kahani.....

dwaipayan said...

UPDATE UPDATE UPDATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

adi said...

dwai: hope u r not missing me now

ganesh: right sir

revealed: how do i find thee? pls. give me a link. and, yes i'm enjoying it, hope it lasts all my life.

sweta: hmmm. every song, every word, resonates with just one name. and which doesnt reminds of her, is not worth anymore.

starry: i guess so :)

keshi: :)

how do we know: thanks.

shruti: yes, some feelings are truly beyond words.

appu: dont worry. u too would come around.

sweet factory: yes, i'm taking good care of me. thanks ur majesty.

deepti: everything is open to interpretations teacher ji ;)

shadows: i think i've answered on ur post. do check it ;)

dwai: i guess, u've got the update. still, not what i wud have wanted to. but, will do. hai na?

sophie said...

this beautiful meandering
post reminds me of a poem
by rilke..

"...even the small trees you planted as children have long since become too heavy; you could not carry them now. But the winds...but the spaces..."

:)

dreamt before

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