सुबह, बारिश और मैं / at nine on a rainy morning

9:00

बारिश होती तो बाहर है पर पता नही नींद को कैसे पता चल जाता है के वो और मीठी हो जाती है। सुबह जब से उठा हूँ, बारिश धूप की तरह छाई हुई है। एक गहरी, ग्रे धूप जो रोजमर्रा की चीजों को खुशनुमा बना देती है, काले चश्मे की तरह।

कुछ तो जादू है बारिश में। दिल में जो चल रहा होता है उसको और गहराई तक खंगाल कर बाहर ले आती है। दिल गमगीन है तो बारिश रुआंसा कर के छोड़ेगी ही। और दिल खुशगवार है तो समझ लीजिये के पूरा दिन गुनगुनाते हुए जाएगा। हर शख्स की dominant traits बारिश में साफ़ उभर के सामने आ जाती हैं। गोया बारिश कोई आईना हो जो सच दिखलाता हो हर किसी के भीतर का!

अभी एक घंटे पहले उठा हूँ और बिल्कुल भी मन् नही है ऑफिस जाने का। माँ ने खिड़की पर परदे डाले, तो मना कर दिया ये कह कर के, खिड़कियों से दिखती ये बरसती बारिश अच्छी लगती है। एक प्याली चाय की, बेसन के दो पकौड़े और श्री राही मासूम रज़ा की शायरी का संकलन हाथों में। अभी तक की सुबह का तो यही फ़साना है।

बाहर बारिश और हाथ में शायरी की किताब, कैसे ये दिल रूमानी न होता? खैर, ये आवारागर्दी ज्यादा देर चलेगी नहीं। अभी बुलावा आ जाएगा ऑफिस से के टाइम पर पहुंचें हुज़ूर, काफी काम है आज। पेरिस वालों को जरूरत है दिल्ली वालों की!

थोडी देर में ये कलम नौकरी कर रही होगी। पर हाँ, याद जरूर रहेगी ये सुबह, जब बारिश ने कान में फुसफुसा कर कहा था, क्यों न थोड़ी देर और लिख लो मुझे तुम...

9:15

Who says Silence is Golden?

again a piece from my diary...

December 08/05 21:40hrs.

Here I'm, sitting with Mr. Rahul Kumar Raichowdhury who is currently yap-yap-yapping non-stop in his unmistakbly street-smart indianised version of the queen's english with all the wrong grammar & punctuation-pronounciation that would fill at least 10 episodes of 'the great indian comedy show' & keep your tummy rumbling for days afterwards.
And the best thing is, I've to listen to it with as straight a face as I could keep.
Oh my! What can you do when somebody is hell bent on calling a chemist (that is, kem-ist) with a 'chuck' type ch-emist. And telling you that he knows it is incorrect, that he has been speaking like that since childhood (yeah, chemist as in child) and doesn't intend on correcting this supposed flaw. He in infact is proud of it is another thing altogether...
Okay, time out, I can't do it. I've to laugh and laugh out loud.

I love Rahul. Period. With all his eccentricity & sincere stupidity. He is all that what I'm not. He is positive, cheerful, effervescent, zindadil, khusmizaz, extrovert, makes friends easily and so many other things that i'm not. He is all that & more. He complements & completes me. Through him, I live everything I can't.
Sample this: A 65ml peg of Johnny Walker costs around Rs 200 at Pot Pourri Bar, just above Nirula's pastry shop at Connaught Place. I'm never gonna go there. And that French Onion Soup tastes like shredded-fried onions trashed in plain boiled water. I wouldn't even attempt this. (The only time i like onions is in salad with a generous dose of lemon.) Things like these and so many more.
And how it feels when somebody dies in front of you. Literally.
I'm sorry Rahul. I would have done the same thing, if I was in your position. Watching someone die...I can't.

Accha, I was on the topic of silence. Yeah, who said silence is golden? I mean being silent is a pretty unimaginative thing to do. If you are not silent you can do a lot of things, like putting both your feet in the mouth, like appearing to be not so bright afterall, I mean, ummm, u got the point. Haven't you?

I've been silent for about 10 days. And haven't liked it much. As much as i used to. The last time I blogged, I was all starry-eyed, going to join a far bigger ad agency Uk and the tension and apprehension such a move brings with it.

Well, nothing of that sort happenned. I went there for a day, that is the 1st and came back to De' Hub 2nd onwards. A lot of factors went into this decision and I'm satisfied that I took all the pros n cons into consideration and decided what was best for me. Although sometimes in the past 10 days, there had been that sneaking feeling, which made me wonder, 'what I did'. What was I thinking then?

What took me 10 days to be back? I don't know. Except that I didn't enjoyed this period. Of silence, of introspection & circumspection, but still nothing much. Now that I'm back on track, i would try to be a regular with blogging, 'cause I'm loving it...

of beauty & love

...and beauty asked,
"you act so strange, why do you call yourself my worshipper"

with a heart, that skipped a beat and eyes, that smiled at her eyes

love chuckled, took a pen & opened his heart

Shahrukh & Me

"When I need money, I dance at a wedding or do a show, I do films only for love"

Shahrukh Khan

Novemeber 27, 2005 10:25am

Sunday Morning & the Newspapers
I'm enjoying the sunday morning. and what's my idead of doin that? Well, first of all, get up late, really late & if Rahul tries to wake you up at 8:30, mutter up all the swear words you normally don't, 'neend mein sab chalta hai', slowly sink in two cups of ginger tea (ahhhhh) with an hour's interval & gorge on the newpapers on offer. And the Bible says laziness is a sin...

I'm prompted to write now because of Shahrukh.
Am reading about him in the Times Life Supplement. Yaar this man does wonders to me, everytime I read something about him. He exudes so much energy.
And how I hated him while growing up???
Actually I liked Aamir & instead of his better acting skills, it was Shahrukh who was a bigger star, almost always. Amir is like a comet who comes visiting around a year, while Shahrukh is always there and the sun shines brightly.
I digress a lot. Do I?
So, I was on Shahrukh & the effects his words/actions have on me. Sanple this, "I don't carry even a rupee in my pocket. My logic is that the amount of money you carry out of the house must be spent, so earlier, whenever I left the house, I'd give money away to people who claimed to be needy. So my wife forbids me to carry cash on me. I usually borrow from my spot-boy or driver." Amazing, isnt' it? This is India's biggest film star speaking..
It is this lovable quirkiness, this brand SRK philosophy that I like very much.
Shahrukh does wonders to me...

Adi

So, i'm through, wish me best of luck

Its been taken care of...
Finally, i gathered enough strength to tell my loving boss, was leaving his firm and joining other...
with this comes a period of tension & apprehension....
of leaving a comfortable cushion and starting all over again,
just for a thing we call, achievement...
am i ready for the things to come?
only time will tell...

i've been in this job for 10 months, i've done everything and somedays nothing, but sometimes the other things took too much time and focus rather than what i was looking for, i'm a copywriter and i'm supposed to write, but here, sometimes days passed without me getting hands on anything worthwhile,
and i would instead be doing, office mails, correspondence, co-ordination, meeting with clients, net searching and all that stuff which i was not suppossed to do.
yes, being a small agency, everybody has to multi-task a bit, but when it becomes the main thing-to-do, you know you'll have to leave....

so, i've bagged a posting with another bigger agency, it has seen slightly better days, kinda top slots in Delhi, but now it is in a bit shaky position. still, i've chosen it:
to leave the small agency mindset,
to get a hang of how things are carried out in a bigger set up,
to see where i belong in the professional hiearchy, 'yaani main kitne paani mein hoon?'
and a lot many little things like a significant increase in the pay packet. i seriously dont know for how much time i'll stay there or they'll keep me, everyone has an apprenshion about joining a new job...but one thing is for sure, i'm prepared for it.

and God willing, i'll be able to prove myself also.

i hope, i've my well wishers' blessings with me...

i'm adi, this is the 23rd of november 2005, and delhidreams are well & truly on...

dialogue

a conversation between me and my friend aparna
on the 12^th of November, 05

it started with me, asking for her snap thru mail as I’d never seen her…

by the way is stpid si photo ka karoge kya?

im looking extremely stupid in this

love

aparna

yeah u do luk a little crossed here... but then... since when did this create a problem... love adi

i hop[e its looking ok

i was cross coz i hate the sun in the eye

and the sun was blinding

so wen am i getting ur pic

love

aparna

and this is how i look like...
behold my eternal splendour...

(I mailed her an image of Krishna) adi

ha ha
i wish you were really gopal

i could do with his presence in my life

frankly even if you were i wouldnt have believed you

i cant believe he has any interest in my life

next "4 years" is the test of my faith...then my faith is in shades of black or white.....filhaal greys mein hai

the eternal splendour is difficult to believe in times of trouble

(then I mailed her my actual snap)

and here's my present incarnation i'm with my boss'es children at 'har ki pauri' haridwar adi

ure quite good looking so do i have chance once i dump sam

and ur as thin as sam not lesserthan that

thr is something else i noticed will tell you that wen we meet

mmmm wen will that be

yeah, i wonder...wen will we

uh some time soon

dont worry woh waqt bhi ayega

at exactly this momnet in a conversation, i begin to wonder, what now adi

what about now?

us?

wondering is a part and parcel of romantics....poets and dreamers are romantics dear......which category are you in

im in both

i'm the original dreamweaver...

the first one, there was...

and the last one, there will be...

i am, i was, i will...

adi

"im the alpha,im the omega" concept huh?

im sure you were the original dreamweaver...

but what about my insanity.dreams which have over the years have been proven insane...inspite of all that i still believe....my dreams stay true for me..........

have i become introspective or am i just proving a point?

all your dreams, all your desires, all your sanity & all your vanity...

they are as much a part of me, as of you...

however insane, they WILL stay true to you...

every poet, every romantic, was, is and will remain a dreamweaver...

what is a poet without a thought, and what is a thought without the seed of a dream...

i wonder, and yes, i introspect....

adi

uh all my thoughts from ure words

what makes me a romantic i have never understood after every shock i thougth i have landed back on the earth below....

only to look down and see im rising again

as for dream weaving....

a thought or a dream or the intrspection

constant but the poetry gets lost in the pain

and yet from the pain rises the song

a full circle,

a dream taking its revenge

for its not come true either,

questions become self answered

and yet we keep asking them

.dreams or just hallucinations

hallucinations are the unfulfilled dreams

we come back to the weaving

weaving the pain and smiles together

which the world calls fake

i call it true....cause thats what i want

my wants are my ultimate truths

lies are not apart of me

lies are just trying to grab my entity..........

"I am the goal,
the sustainer, the master, the witness,
the abode, the refuge
&
the most dear friend.
I am the creation & the annihilation,
the basis of everything,
the resting place & the eternal seed."
(these words I’ve taken from Shrimad Bhagvat Gita & at present grace my e-mail signature)

I am but a dream

November 12^th, 2005 Adi

gawd i'm bored & missing u pino

guess what,
feeling totally, hopelessly, completely bored...
in the office without any work to do, i took a blank canvas, picked the first photograph i cud on my personal images folder, and this comic image came forward...
well, its better than having nothing at all, atleast u wont be bored...

today pino called, all the way from hyedarabad,
i was surprised, but didnt show it...
i like surprising people though,
and they are surprised when i dont show that i'm surprised...
god, think that's enough...
so, it was nice talking to him after a long time, however much the internet and e-mailing takes over your life, a good old long distance phone call from a dear friend, brings a lump in your throat... i remember when we met for the last time at cp, he's just a little kid, all alone in a city where nobody knows him, god, pls. take good care of him...
adi
p.s. pls. all the copywrights to this image are of the website where it belongs, my usage is purely personal in nature

thanks to pino

so this is the first one... just saying thanks to pino for kinda introducing me to blogging... seems i'm as bore as he is... rest comes next, delhi dreams are on adi