Tuesday, October 09, 2007

fatima *updated*


is baar wo ghar aaaya
to anmana sa tha
simta simta
bikhra bikhra sa
aisa laga
jaise apni koi keemti cheej
wahin hostel mein chhod aaya ho
maine poocha
to hansa
sar jhuka ke, dheere se
aur phir, pata nahi
aankhein kya dhoondhne lagi thi duur, uski!

is baar jab wo ghar aaya
to maine usse gale lagaya
puchkara pyaar se
nazar utari
baba ka tabeej bhi bandha
par laga
jaise kuch bant gaya hai andar uske

is baar jab beta ghar aaya
to laga
ki wo mera nahi raha ab
kahin usse... pyaar... ???

इस बार वो घर आया
तो अनमना सा था
सिमटा सिमटा
बिखरा बिखरा सा
ऐसा लगा
जैसे अपनी कोई कीमती चीज
वहीं हॉस्टल में छोड़ आया हो
मैने पूछा
तो हँसा
सर झुका के, धीरे से
और फिर, पता नहीं
आँखें क्या ढूंढने लगी थीं दूर, उसकी!

इस बार जब वो घर आया
तो मैने उसे गले लगाया
पुचकारा प्यार से
नजर उतारी
बाबा का ताबीज भी बांधा
पर लगा
जैसे कुछ बंट गया अंदर उसके

इस बार जब बेटा घर आया
तो लगा
कि वो मेरा नहीं रहा अब
कहीं उसे...प्यार...???


Hindi script, courtesy Sameer from Udan Tashtri. his blog is a must, if u can read Hindi.
still, no attempts to translate this though. god knows if anybody will help me.
this is a mother, fatima's anxiety about her son. the first realisation, when he returns from hostel, not in his elements, lost in thoughts, with eyes searching something far away, he behaves as if he has left something precious back there. she does everything ritually, the greetings, the embrace, the amulet to protect from evil eyes, but still, she feels he is divided somehow.
this is her anxiety, perhaps, he is not mine now. perhaps... he has fallen in love.

the poem emerged from the thoughts about one of dee's friend who has gone home madly in love but with little hopes of realisation. and also from the anxiety i read in my mother's eyes when my behaviour had changed appreciably last year, around this very time period. i was meeting dee on a regular basis, still unaware about my feelings, (but 'ma' had read it before even i realized) and to counter any of mother's probing questions, i invented a fictional name for her. 'fatima' that is.

17 comments:

Sigma said...

Wonderful! as usual!!

starry nights said...

Beautiful poem Adi even though you did not translate for me but I get what inspired you to write this.As a mother I know that one can tell when their child has lost their heart to someone else.

Ash said...

Ma realised it before you...
Moms are like that, arent they??
My mom too :)

Beautiful poem!

adi said...

sigma: thanks

starry: hmmmm. but the mood of this poem was dark. there is something in a mother which doesnt like her love being shared. i wanted to portray that.

ash: yes, ma is like that. but the theme here was a bit different as i just mentioned to starry. hope u'll read it again and find any difference, if any. thanks.

Aditi said...

nicely done.. it takes a while for mother's to come to terms that their boy is now a man and not entirely their own anymore
and yes it did strike me abt the time co-incidence

How do we know said...

Rites of passage are always painful, and for mothers and children, even more so...

Keshi said...

wow! u write so elegantly Adi...

Keshi.

adi said...

aditi: it is only u. nobody else wud have noted that :)

howdy: hmmmm. lets see, when ur little one grows up!

keshi: thanks keshi, but did u read the Hindi original?

Udan Tashtari said...

बेटे को बांटना यूँ सहज स्विकार्य नहीं पाता हर माँ को. यह भी माँ का एक त्याग ही होता है कि जिसे ममत्व से सहेजा, पाला, बड़ा किया और वो किसी और का हो लिया. किन्तु यही यथार्थ है और शायद इसी तरह के अनेकों त्याग करने वाली माँ को त्याग की मूर्ती कहा गया है.

बहुत सुन्दरता से माँ के इन भावों को उतारा है आपने अपनी पंक्तियों में कि देवनागरी में इनके टंकण के लोभ को संवरित नहीं कर पाया. पेश है आपकी रचना, आपको समर्पित, आपके लिये:


इस बार वो घर आया
तो अनमना सा था
सिमटा सिमटा
बिखरा बिखरा सा
ऐसा लगा
जैसे अपनी कोई कीमती चीज
वहीं हॉस्टल में छोड़ आया हो
मैने पूछा
तो हँसा
सर झुका के, धीरे से
और फिर, पता नहीं
आँखें क्या ढूंढने लगी थीं दूर, उसकी!

इस बार जब वो घर आया
तो मैने उसे गले लगाया
पुचकारा प्यार से
नजर उतारी
बाबा का ताबीज भी बांधा
पर लगा
जैसे कुछ बंट गया अंदर उसके

इस बार जब बेटा घर आया
तो लगा
कि वो मेरा नहीं रहा अब
कहीं उसे...प्यार...???

--एडी

MM said...

U deserve a special big hug for this one!

Wow!!
:)

Rauf said...

Adi, it is
Kheemti Cheez.... baba ka taveez.
some say Tavaze

today i will ask you to say
za za za
hundred times. keep repeating
school imposition. Bad boy.

its beautiful Adi
good flow
i can understand
this happens to all mothers.
very delicately expressed

and thanks
you know for what.
hope you are doing fine

chocolteluva said...

haha.. its a nice poem. i like it. i have gone home with that feeling.. somehow mother's always know. SOO ODD.

Keshi said...

nah I read the meaning u wrote below :)

Keshi.

Maddie said...

I just interviewed a mother
for Diwali celebrations and
she lives with her husband and
her 23 year old son and his wife -
and they are all so happy:)

At first there is a sadness -
because a love in your life - means
an end to the "child" in you
symbolicaly perhaps but -
of course - it also means
a new beginning of a life of love
which she will get to share and
enjoy and be so happy that you
are happy - and i love the
name Fatima:)

adi said...

sameer: bohat bohat shukriya. mujhe khushi hoti hai jab aap delhidreams par tippani karte hain. aur hindi se to ye post main update karne hi wala hoon :)

velu: thanks sir.

rauf: ji, main accha vidyarthi hoon. apna homework poora karoonga :) thanks for visiting delhidreams. we will stay in touch.

choco: and then u've to devise names and events, to hide the fact that u've been seeing only one person for the past six sundays...

keshi: thanks again keshi. i really appreciate the effort you took. thanks friend.

maddie: yes my dearest poetess, it is beautiful when u give away a realtion and find two more in return. it is a common thing in India, children living with parents even after marriage and kids, but sadly, now it is fading fast. nuclear families are the order of the day and that old, 'filled with relatives and stories and laughters' atmosphere is found only in memories of our old ones.
and special thanks for the detailed comment. i loved it :)

How do we know said...

Ha ha.. before that Adi, long before that. When he goes to school, when he smokes for the first time, the first time he lies to me, the first late night....long, long before the first love. Rites of passage start early. :-)

adi said...

howdy: and i being the imp i am, can't stop myself from calling u 'N' ;)

dreamt before

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