november update

i've been ill. the winter i love so much, always plays the 'bewafa sanam' (treachrous lover) act with me. this time, it was the sudden dip in mercury that nailed me down :(

so, after a couple of days of cold, cough, fever; and rest, medicines, prayer; am back at my favourite place in the e-universe. 'delhidreams' .

hmmm. a lot of comments followed my last post. yes, thanks to all the people who took the trouble to actually post a comment. in response, all i can say is that its not about any writing skill or style, am just plain lucky to be in love and writing at the same time.

a lot happenned in the last few days. apart from the numerous mundane things happening in this wonderful world of ours, and apart from falling ill, i met her twice in six days. and the promise of a sunday with her is near. how lucky can i get :)

went to meet a dear friend on sunday. he is shifting base due to career reasons, and it is all fine to believe that you are grown up and all mature, but then you realise you won't be able to meet as frequently or drop down at his place uncalled, uninvited whatever... some part of my heart moves out with him. sms is all that's left.
and thinking back, maturity is something that eludes me still. cut that out.

then, there's another, dearest friend, whose parents are hell-bent on tying him up in the knots of nupital kind and again these dreaded 'mature-responsible-grown up' words play havoc in my ill-equipped-to-handle-all-this-stuff mind. god forbade, if he does gets married soon, then i really have to look upto my shoe soles and think of somethings that i don't want to think.

haan ji, as for the translation debate going on delhidreams comments' sections, i would like to state my official position that, okay, translation cannot and considering my effortless skills, does not 'says' truly what the original intended, but it sure helps in conveying the meaning to somebody who couldn't read the original due to language barriers. wow! what a smooth sentence that was. and thus, i, 'the whatever' will always try to translate what i write or cajole or blackmail some worthies to do that for me. and listen you worthies, no excuses of this or that being so beautiful to be untranslatable. jesus, is there really a word like that. untranslatable. hmmm. or a genius like me.

anyways, i do think am stretching some limits here, just don't know what they are, but still, i take my leave and leave you pondering whether to come back again to this blog or not. and yes, no need to say this, i will take care and beat the hell out of these sniffles soon.

i've the most wonderful remedy with me. something which treats a tired mind and warms a weary heart. just two teaspoon love, three times a day...

and i so love her...

another look at sleep

neend

budhapa, sota hai
maathe par ek haath rakhe
sapno ko roke huye aankhon mein aane se

bachpan, sota hai
befikr, taange failaye
apni hi duniya banate huye

jawani
sirf karvatein badalti hai raat bhar
usse neend aati hi kahan hai


isn't it strange that in Hindi, we call old age & childhood as masculine and youth as feminine :) *updated, no, in Hindi every awastha is feminine, its in Urdu, that bachpan and budhapa ae masculine & youth is feminine* and i tried, but couldn't post a satisfactory translation. so, i'll hav to round up the usual suspects and ask them for a favour again ;)

ek aur subah

subah

adhkhuli aankhon mein

adhbhuje se khwaab lekar

adhjagi subah mein kuch

adhbane ehsaas lekar

neend ye khulti hai ab

bus tera hi naam lekar

how this morning brings her presence to me, when these eyes are still half-open, when the dreams are still half-extinguished, when the lazy morning is getting up lazily, when the feelings are still taking shape, how the morning brings her name to me.

this i won't even attempt to translate :)
perhaps aditi again or sigma or dee might help ;)
i'll post the translation then.

badal

baadal
abhi tum jao

prithvi ke chaaron kono ko
chaar baar chooke aao

abhi, ye jo dhoop hai
is se batein karni hain mujhe

jab tum wapas aaoge
to jee bhar ke khelenge hum

winters in delhi. finally.

now, i'll sit with my sunshine and talk my heart out.

and i would love if sigma or aditi improve this translation for me :)

cloud

you go now

touch the four corners of earth four times

and come back then

i've to talk to

this sunshine now

we'll play a lot,

when you come back again

inspired by a fellow blogger jess' poem, big sky.

image courtsey, corbis.com.

to all

i've been blue or euphoric enough not to write anything for the last few days. its all how you interpret. yeah revealed, u've noticed that, and how more right you could be, gotta bleed to feel the blood flowing in my veins :)

some people might call me stupid, irrational, overtly sentimental, which i agree i am, but i also can't leave that moment when i left her on the platform. standing alone by herself. god knows i can write about a lot of things. even now, i've a job list full of medicated oils, construction projects, beauty brochures, textile mills and what not. plus, there's so much to talk; delhi, winters, cricket, politics, society, news, personalities... there are a thousand things which i can blabber about. all i need is willing ears ;)

but i can't just stop talking about her. like, for example, with her, even the dried out, brown leaves falling from trees look beautiful. like, how she makes silence sound the most wonderful thing in the world, i can write poetry, i can tell you about this very moment, like, how at 6pm in the evening, when its pitch black and drizzling outside, the first winter showers, all i wish is her to be with me.

i m sorry if i've bored people here, but to be true, i felt, its only after getting this post out of my system will i be able to say anything more.

perhaps today, perhaps tomorrow.

delhidreams, hmmm, it has an altogether different feel now :)

metro blues

the metro coach's floor is of a blue-grey colour. with little white and little black dots spread out on it. seven pair of footwear sit in front of me. and six beside me. two on my left, three on my right. i notice my own shoes. the same leather ones that took me to the hills. and came back well, as well. seem a bit old and wrinkled now. or perhaps i haven't polished them after coming back. hmmm. people wear an assortment of footwear these days. its not like the old times, when there were black leather formals & white sports shoes for gents and sandals/slippers of some variety for the ladies. a whole range of footwear options is on display here.

the floor has a thin layer of dirt & grime over it. its a layer, bearing distinct and varied marks, left over the day's span. metro coach floors are cleaner by any standard from other public transport in delhi. still, this many people coming and going, do leave marks over time.

perhaps, it might be a bit cleaner in the morning. i promise myself to take an early metro someday, just to verify this fact. i smile. and i smile at myself thinking this. its my old sarcastic smile.

been half an hour since i've looked up. since i looked up at anything. or anyone. i know there are people all around. chattering, blabberring, normally-happy-and-normally-unhappy-with-this-world-people. going on with their daily lives.

then there are all these feet. moving, shuffling, sitting lazily or standing firm. feet coming in, feet going out...bags, luggage...so much to see, to ponder upon, to avoid the gaze of this so called normal world.

half an hour ago, i left her standing on 'my' side of the metro platform. it was a morning well lived. campus, nirula's, kathi roll's, coffee's, chai's; walking, sitting, talking, listening; harry potter books for gudiya's b'day gift, and the coelho she took for herself; a whole world came to an end with a hug and a goodbye. its always difficult for us. so, a goodbye sans words.

she just stood there and smiled as i entered and found this seat in the metro coach. for the last half an hour, i've not looked up at all. something is welling-up from inside. and i don't want these others to see what is going through my mind.

and i'm so blue without her.

a request

pinaki da, my boss & our production head, mr. harsh (bandhu) had an accident last night. boss' car was hit on the left side & dragged till 50 metres by a drunken truck driver. its fortunate that both of them survived unhurt. actually, its miraculous. u can guage the intensity of the impact from the pics.

here, it was the truck driver who was drunk but it could have been anyone in his place. i would request everyone, please don't drink and drive. if not for your sake, than for your loved ones, pls. do not drive if you can't control.

velu ka tag, part I

velu nair, the good teacher tagged me for the first time. and as all obedient students, i took the work home and did it at leisure. its another thing that i did only the first part, 'cos i was more interested in the happy memories than the sad ones.

the tag says, list 8 things about your childhood that make you grin, and 8 others that make you groan. i didn't think, i'd many, but i was mistaken. thanks velu, for reminding me those good times. to be at ease, i kept the age limit till 12 years, as the teen that grew up later was a profoundly bored one. perhaps from there i'll find the second part of this tag :) and i'll increase the tag things to 10. a little bit of liberty with rules is allowed, i guess!

10 child things, i still smile at:

01.) sleeping on my pa's stomach. or in his arms. that was heaven.

02.) my little, blue rubber slippers. i loved them so much that i wore them in my hands. had a song for them too. ye dekho, meri choti-choti chapplein. roughly translated, that goes like, 'see here, my little-little slippers'!!!

03.) sliding on staircase railings from the 4th floor where we lived to the ground floor. it resulted in lots of torn half-pants though.

04.) my leo-mattel cars, local made cars, vehicles, trucks, tanks, anything that moved on wheels and household junk. plus, to a lesser part, the g.i. joe and he-man stuff too. coupled with some imagination- whole cities, armies, civilizations used to come alive. and were destroyed as rapidly too.

05.) bringing all the stray puppies in the locality home. feeding them, bathing them and when mummy threw them out threatning to put me n my brother out too, making temporary shelters for them. with red bricks or with wet mud. they didn't last a day though, and neither the puppies. perhaps, they didn't like their new homes much.

06.) roaming around 'after' my brother. he never took me along. and i never left him alone.

07.) sugar. the only blame in my otherwise pious, subdued, shy childhood. used to steal sugar from my favourite neighbourhood aunt's kitchen. so much, that she shifted the jar to the topmost shelf and i got worms. but then, the homoeopathic medicines i got, were sweet too.

08.) a scolding from pa was so rare, it made me do a little revolution of my kind. i ran away from home one evening. ran away two blocks apart, sat there watching children play, felt cold and scared that ma & pa will forget me. so came back after half an hour. but, i still stand by the fact that i ran away from home.

09.) cricket. scoring runs, foxing batsmen with spin bowling, fielding- like my life depended on that one run... nothing felt more engaging than the game itself. i love cricket.

10.) qayamat se qayamat tak. we were certified movie addicts. and the rented vcr wallah, bansal videos (i remember the name till date) were very happy with us. watched qsqt at 9 years of age, fell in love with the lead actress, juhi chawla immediately. my first love. and i imagined myself as the hero, amir khan. perhaps till date.

i guess 10 are enough. although i've a few more. and i would like to add reading as the most enjoyable thing i ever did. ever. but, not many here will associate it with 'fun'. the second, more serious part of the tag will come later. then i'll tag other children too :) the new kids on delhidreams mostly. till then, have fun.

absence makes the heart do strange things

hmmm. so the teacher manages a good job everytime. yes suparna, that's the muse :)

i was away. and came back yesterday. too tired, with a slightly damaged knee and a much calmer mind. it was an official trip, extended into a holiday, paying greetings to the Mother Goddess, residing up there in the hills.

from Kathua to Katra, to the Vaishno Devi Temple, back to Jammu & to Delhi. At last. one thing i realised quickly though. all those bollywood movies were not 'that' crap. you do happen to miss the one you love so much to see her face amongst strangers, to catch her glimpse at the most unlikeliest of places and to feel her presence almost everywhere you go. and then you smile, nod your head in disbelief and move on.

hmmm. its not everyday that dear boss catches me in a meeting, sporting a totally blank look and smiling all too often for comfort. its even better he didn't check the notes i was scribbling.

all through the journey; in cars, in trains, in markets, in temples, while meeting people, while leaving places, in hotel rooms, on open terraces, on window seats, with music beats, while climbing a mountain and while limping back to where it all started...all through the journey, just one thought, one desire, one silent dream from within...'wish she was here.'

life is not my own anymore. it has become something significant to be shared together. shared between two people, still a distance apart.

i was away and i came back yesterday. and i missed her. and i still wish she was there. and i wish she was here.

p.s. most of the pics we clicked there were deleted accidentally. so i might not be having much except the big textile mill in Kathua, where we went to as their advertising agency. Kathua, is a few hours away from Jammu, the winter capital of the northenmost state of Jammu & Kashmir. From Jammu, the devotees go to Katra, sort of a base camp for the climb to the hill-based shrine of Goddess, Shri Vaishno Devi. Sadly, it has become more of a tourist spot in recent years. The climb is of 14kms of metalled roads with all the facilities one usually requires. By the time i reached up, a long lost twich in the left knee locked it completely. We'd the most memorable of 'darshan' (glimpse) at the temple. Being a part of the morning puja is truly a unique memory. Mind you, not much people are fortunate enough for that. Returning, i had to trudge half way back before finding a horse. And it was not much of a comfort as well. The knee still aches. The memories, definitely will stay longer than the pain :) Jai Mata Di.

Adaab!!!

All the people who read this blog know me through the beautiful words of one of the most beautiful person i have met in this life n well it was accidental. For a change i agree with him.
Adi is going to the hills for a trip(wish i could go along), where i leave it to him to describe when he comes back...

Teacher...

pyaar/ love-II

pyaar

jaise bete ki pehli tankhwah

jaise ma ke pairon ka swarg

aur swarg se keemti do ansu

love

like the son's first paycheque

like the heaven at mother's feet

and few tears, precious than heaven

who says months begin from the 1st?

here, the month starts with the paycheque. the loan, the rent; the cable wallah's bill, the monthly rations; the medical expenses, the gas cylinder; the daily neccesities, the necessary luxuries...and in between all this, a little bit of money saved for the one.

my month starts on the 7th :)

yours?

image courtsey, corbis.com

these eyes of yours

aankhen

ye aankhen
dekhta hoon to lagta hai
bahot jaagi hain kisi intezar mein
aa, mere mehboob
choom loon inhen main
aur bhar doon
hazar sapne in mein


eyes

these eyes
when i see them
seems, have stayed awake many a nights
come, my love
let me kiss them
and fill them
with a thousand dreams

image courtsey, corbis.com

what brings you here

chaand

chaand,
aaj raat jab tum jao uski chhat par
to dheere se barasna wahan
samet lena uske har ehsaas ko
aur le aana
subah ki os bana kar

moon

moon,

when you go to her terrace tonight
rain a little lightly there,
embrace her every feel
and bring them to me
in the form of morning's dew

sunday forever

tum

tum
waqt ki is dhadkan ko
apni aankhon se chhookar
poora banati ho
tum pyaar ko,
pyaar banati ho

its that time of life when even five friends feel like a crowd.

let aparna draw the positive & negative space assignment for her friend, let agnibh pull akash's legs as much he likes, let anjum be as infatuated as he is with neha...let the world go round & round doing whatever it wants to do...all i beg for, is her head to stay on my heart and my arms around her...and these heartbeats will be complete.

this sunday afternoon, we were at aparna's place, and amongst all this crowd, she was there with me. this sunday afternoon, i was with her. all i beg for, is this sunday to stay with me forever.

you

your eyes
touch
this moment's heartbeat
and complete it
you make love
what love is

song of the moment, 'aap ki nazaron ne samjha' by lata
image courtsey, corbis.com

apsy wonder

kaan

dono kaanon mein
do alag tarah ki baliyan pehn-ne wali ek ladki
us se mila to laga
kahin-kahin main bhi hoon uske jaisa
bolne wale ke swaroop se
badal leta hoon apne sun-ne ko main
baliyan to nahi pehanta uski tarah
bus kaan pehan leta hoon alag tarah ke kabhi

ear

a girl who wears
two different types of ear-rings in both ears
i met her and felt
somehow, i too am like her
i change my 'hearing' to
the speaker's presence
ear-rings, i don't wear like her
just wear different ears sometimes

don't you think, we change our hearing to the kind of person we are talking to? different set of ears for the mother then for the boss, different for a friend to a stranger on the bus...how conveniently we change our responses to the surroundings.

dedicated to the girl who wears two different kinds of 'baali' in her ears. somone, who started being apsy wonder, became my hagrid on the way and is now, i don't know precisely, dont want to put her on a pedestal, 'cos everybody does that around her, whatever, but plays a very important part in this life.

the most curious thing about us is that (actually there are a lot), we met due to a spam mail. one of my net friends had this habit of mass mailing hundreds of ppl together. after many futile efforts, i replied him, with a little dressing down and clicked the 'reply all' button.

only aparna mudi replied.

why? i don't know. perhaps even she doesn't.
aparna...hmmm, she's a genius, a fashion guru in making, studying in national institute of fashion technology, yeah 'the nift', making lot of friends on the way and attracting all the miseries life can offer :) she has all the qualities one asks for in a friend and then some more.

a woman in the most difficult of times, and a girl who plays with her little doll sabrina in even worse times, she's the most madly in love person i've come across. and perhaps more sarcastic than me :)

anyways, i dont know what else should i add here. all i want is to thank her for giving me the most wonderful gift of my life. she brought 'the one, my teacher' to me. and as all beautiful things, this too was an accident.

all i can do now, is to sit back and be amazed at the chain of events. from a simple radio show, 'post a card' to 'the dot com guy' to that mass mail and aparna's reply...to the 28th of january wherein i talked to one of her friends on phone and later wished her on the 5th of feb., to this day in the november of 2006, it has been a long, drawn out process.

the incredible thing is, nobody guessed what was happening actually. and lives changed forever. we think we know what is going on with our lives, but we can't be more off the track. nobody knows, what one moment might lead to.

just try to live the moment as completely as you can, try not to hurt people intentionally and love with all you've got, this much my hagrid has taught me. and i'm trying to learn as fast as i can :)

image courtsey, corbis.com

vidaa

a translation of the previous post by sigma. for starry and others...

Goodbye

When you depart,
turn away quickly
and board
your bus
or the metro train
that takes you away from me.

Or,
leave without saying a goodbye
because I cannot bear
to see you go away .

image courtsey, corbis.com

goodbye

vidaa

jab tum vidaa lo
to mud jaayaa karo jaldi se
aaur chadh jaayaa karo
apni us bus,
yaa metro rail mein
jo tumhein le jaati hai mujhse dur

ya,
chali jaayaa karo bin bataaye mujhe
kyonki jaate huye tumhe
dekhaa nahi jaataa mujhse

i haven't attempted translating it. i'll try, but could somebody help me with it. please.

image courtsey, corbis.com

puddle

a puddle

is but a hollow

of empty earth

and wasted water

like me,

a heroic hollow

of empty promises

and a mud filled soul

but a night comes

when even the puddle becomes beautiful

a night

when the moon smiles in it

i am waiting, for the night

when my moon will come

and merge in to my eyes

making me beautiful, for ever

image courtsey, gettyone.com

wind

the wind looks so good blowing through her hair...

this week's topic on illustration friday was wind. pencil color, scanned and retouched a bit in photoshop (with soumindo's generous help). still not what i intented to, but time is running out and with a new friday, a new topic will come :)