shhh

on a day that came after seven stretched out days, a minute that was preceded by forty five minutes of waiting and a moment that appeared after a million agonising moments... i felt her head on my shoulder and nothing else matterred anymore.

chhuo mat,
bikhar jayega ye,
simat jayega apne khol mein kahin,
ya beh jayega yaad ban ke…
saans ka jajba hai
saans rok ke jiyo ise…

don’t touch,
it will scatter,
hide into its shell
or turning into a memory, will flow away
it’s a feeling of breath
live it, holding your breath...

isn't it amusing, that after a whole week of preparation, of careful selection of clothes to look like i haven't bothered about what to wear and a more particular preparation of what to say & what to do when i'll meet her...i found myself again without words & gestures.

just outside the delhi university metro station, the sunday afternoon sun found me settled beneath a slightly wrinkled, but shaded tree. i feel, it will see me there a little often these days :)

onion skins

pyaaz

bahut samay pehle
dil, dimaag, jism aur rooh
sab alag hua karte thhe
pyaaz ke chilkon ki tarah
parat dar parat
kitne tukde hua karte thhe mere
phir ek din pyaar aaya
aur pighla kar ek kar gaya mujhe
ab to sirf tu hi bacha hai bus

onion

a long time ago
heart, mind, body and soul
everything was separate
like onion skins
layers upon layers
so many different parts i had
then one day, love arrived
and melt me in to one being
now, only 'you' are left

still no words, adi?

it is strange, when I’d no words, the world came by and listened.

thanks to everyone who came around to delhidreams, sat with me and heard whatever i'd to say. why i'm writing this. because delhidreams is a year old now.

more so, at a time when i do not feel like posting anything. so many poems are written, lying abandoned, rusting in the notebooks, because i want to post something special for one individual.

life has closed one chapter, and a fresh one has begun. and this all took form recently. perhaps, the process was on for some time, only i didn't realize the world changing around me. yes hagrid, god does exists, and it exists in your very shadows. it existed there all the time. how foolish i could have been. and bugs, yes i've been naive enough to ignore everything, whether gift or abuse, fault or purpose, perhaps not this one, not this time.

am feeling very calm. at ease with myself and the world around. everything has a new beauty, like the old landlord couple above. it is something felt, till the very pores of these fingers.

and this time too, nothing except words for you, my teacher.

main roun to mere aansu nahi
main muskuraun to main nahi
main kya likhun, main kya padhun
mere shabd ye mere nahi
ye kaise tujhko bataun main
meri har main me, samayi hai tu hi

a translation attempt for starry and others,

if i cry, the tears are not mine
if i smile, i'm not the one smiling
what do i write, what do i read
these words are not mine
how do i tell you
you are the one, merged in my every 'me'

can't find an end to this post
no full-stops here
its a journey, and the journey needs no end
just three dots would do here,

welcome to delhidreams...

no words

i'm at a loss with words today.

although i can tell you in detail about my diwali or my sunday spent in the company of friends. and i can tell you about the weather, the light drizzle i soaked in yesterday with sun shining over the central park in connaught place. i can tell you about my desperate search for a rainbow then, as i'd read the science about the sun, the rain and a particular angle which forms them.

i can talk about this morning when i was late for no real reason at all. i can talk about this blank page which is not blank anymore, with little blue scribbles in blue ink and the pen that i hold in my hand writing all this. i can look deeply at the fingers holding this pen, the pores of these fingers and 'the lines' forming my varied destinies.

i've completed work, i've smiled at colleagues, i've co-operated with clients and heard whatever boss had to say. i've felt sun on my eyelashes and seen wind rustle the rusted leaves. i've heard ghalib and gulzar, lived lata and jagjit. i've been a poet, a philosopher, a writer, a child today, but however much i try, i can't explain what i'm feeling.

i can tell, talk, hear, see, touch a lot of things, but somehow i'm not these, i almost am not present here.

no poem, no prose, no rhyme, but still everything, so much, but still nothing. just a feeling of calm and a silent joy within. just a deep desire to stop someone from boarding a bus somewhere in the sunday that was yesterday.

and i still have no words to say what i'm feeling today.

because a lover knows, says osho, here. and this, perhaps would be the answer dwaipayan is looking for.
Soul Steps II by Pam Ingalls; Image courtsey: corbis.com

Shubh Deepawali

hello winter

winter is here

three sneezes
& a cloud cover
water freezes
my first shiver
it rained while i was asleep
'ma' says, its winter dear

and for a little different take on the arrival of winters, you can click here. man, 'm loving this link feature ;)
as for paulo coelho's take on love, my favourite topic, you can click here. yes twin, its my favourite topic these days.

image courtsey, indexstock.com

aaj ki subah

aaj ki subah
ek south indian ladki ki tarah
baalon mein gajraa lagaa ke aayi hai

aaj bus mein
conductor bhi tikat de ke muskuraayaa
bhari bheed mein bhi kuch hansi chaayi hai

aaj office mein
late hone par bhi daant nahi padi
boss ki baton mein bhi kuch narmi paayi hai

aaj ki subah
badi haseen hai
ye mere hothon pe, teraa naam lekar aayi hai

and, talking of mornings, my dear parveen shakir speaks of love, here

"maine jis lamhe ko puujaa hai use bas ek baar
Khvaab ban kar terii aaNkhon men utarataa dekhuuN"

image courtsey, gettyimages.com

one number

i'm extremely happy today.
and this number above will perhaps be the cornerstone for all my dreams.

okay, news guys.
i've an other blog on wordpress now, do check about it here.

This blog is an attempt to treasure some of the words & thoughts i come across in life. Mostly while reading, or listening to other people, watching movies, or even from radio… these will be the words by others, not mine.

Hope you'll have a good time there. I surely will.

sach/truth

sach

jhooth bolne se pehle
tum vichaar karte ho
sochte ho, kya bolun aisa
jo kal pakda na jaye

sach bolne se pehle
sochna nahi padta
sach to swayambhu hai
khud hi prakat hota hai

pyaar bhi to sach hi hota hai na?

truth

before saying a lie
u ponder
and think, what to say
which should not be caught tomorrow

before saying a truth
you don't have to think
truth is self-appearing
takes birth itself

isn't love too like truth?

image courtsey, corbis.com

The Tune Tag

Atul tagged me - and I did this tag in a far different way that I first imagined. I asked my father to do this one for me :)

Somehow felt inadequate attempting this. Although I like music and words a lot, but there was a feeling that I shouldn’t do it at this point in time. Perhaps later, but not now. Perhaps when i've known myself a bit more.

My father is the most important person for me and asking him to do this tag revealed some things that even I didn’t know before. As years go by and you are all grown up, you feel there is nothing new to your parent's lives, yet the many facets they hold within, you can’t even comprehend. Yes Atul, this one is a difficult tag, he took a whole day to complete it ;) And I’m glad I asked him to do this. and thanks, you helped a son know his father better. Here goes:

Your favourite lyricist and the lyrics you remember the most:
Shailendra

Your favourite song on friendship
Diye jalte hain, phool khilte hainbadi mushkil se, duniya mein dost milte hain

Best song portraying life’s emotions; about life, full of life
Main zindagi ka saath nibhata chala gaya; kahan ja raha hai tu ai jaane wale; na main dhan chahoon, na ratan chahoon

Which song are you humming today?
hum bhi hain, tum bhi ho, dono hain amne-saamne

One song which brings tears to your eyes
ab ke baras bhej bhaiya ko babul, saawan mein leezo bulaye; chal ud jaa re panchi; ae mere pyare watan

A song which gives you hope, reason to try again and again, a reason to say that life is beautiful
chal akela, chal akela, tera mela kisne dekha rahi

When you want to be with yourself, silent and content but with music, with song would that be?
ghar aaya mera pardesi; sajan re jhoot mat bolo; mann re! Tu kahe dheer na dheer dhare

If you have to express your love for someone with a song which would that be
chand si mehbooba ho meri kab aisa maine socha tha; hum intezaar karenge, tera kayamat tak, khuda kare ki kayamat ho aur tu aaye

Five songs which you listen to the most
This he didn’t attempted.

Now, as Atul said, the tag didn’t have a rule to tag-back. But I’d so like a few people to do the honours. Dee, Hagrid, Pheebes, Aklant, Twin, Lalitha, Velu, Pino, Dwai, Sigma among others.

Believe me guys, you won’t mind this…

and thanks twin, finally managed a link ;)

hmmm

when more sundays have walked by and many more weekends have merged into memories, i'll still look back at a lazy afternoon, when me & dee sat along a lonely dirt road with a stray dog for company; when the ground below turned into a workbook on which we played scribbles with thin brown twigs; and when what matterred more were not the years to come, but the moments themselves.

in the middle of a tiring weekend of a tiring life, those few hours served as a balm on a tired mind, as a calm within a tired soul; and when many more years have flown by, i'll still look back at these memories and smile a tired smile.

and smile, a tired, sarcastic smile. hmmm.

image courtsey, corbis.com
don't i love this site.

dee

warm crisp vapour
of the warm ginger tea
the world in a newspaper
just for me

saturday morning
smiles like dee
i could wake up like this
everyday, just to be

its another weekend. these last few days, i've been blue without any particular reason . dee is blue too. she has her reasons though. hope monday brings some smiles for her. and for me. will you pray for us?
have a happy weekend :)
image courtsey, corbis.com. i suppose.

october 10, 2006

dee says,
subah

uljhe balon ko chehre se hata-te huye
bina istri ke kapdon se silvatein mita-te huye
faile huye kajal ko phir se aankh mein sajate huye
teri yaad, ek aur subah de gayi mere labon pe

i dare not translate this. but this is news guys,
dee has a blog.

u can access it at, http://oceanicmirages.blogspot.com

life. love. mirages.
what else do we need.

adi adds,
sabko aati hai zuban ki mohabbat
jisne ankhon se ki ho wohi jaane

hmmm.

death of a dream

a tear falls

a shadow flies

a fear crawls

a tomorrow cries

this is how, night by night

a dream dies

image courtsey, corbis.com

this weirdness of mine - II

aditi tagged me to list some of my weirdness here. i've actually done this tag before, but when dear twin commands, how can i refuse ;)

here's the original one, yes appu, i haven't learned the 'link' trick yet :(
http://delhidreams.blogspot.com/2006/06/this-weirdness-of-mine.html

I,

01. watch lizie mc'guire on disney when i'm particularly blue
02. love the globe. in all its forms. somehow, the very idea of so many people and places co-existing together, at this very moment amazes me.
03. used to be a green thumber. perhaps still am, but space restrictions are just too much. my first plant was an okra/lady's finger one and today i've brought same for lunch.
04. have an utmost, almost in-born curiosity to know what the other person is carrying in his/her, bag/jhola/briefcase/whatever. perhaps it grew out from childhood when mother used to bring goodies back and i would search every nook and cranny of her purse/shopping bags for something meant for me.
05. am moody like the english weather. rain, sunshine, storm, breeze... all in a matter of minutes.
06. am in love with the very idea of love. and i won't explain it here.
07. can be amazed by the most mundane of things. taken from point 2. chatting to pheebes/twin in chicago/mumbai for example. or all the world's emotions fitting in these 26 letters. or the daily cup of tea. it can be anything, anytime.
08. am using the word 'types' very much these days. like, 'the weird types' folks.
09. talk perhaps too much in my sleep. somedays, i wake up and see that, i-know-what-you-did-last-day types smile on ma/pa's face.

now, i do think that i've crossed the prescribed limit of 6 habits to post. and this time i won't tag anyone, 'cos ppl. haven't done there previous tag yet.


Head of Diego by Alberto Giacometti; Image: © Christie's Images/CORBIS; Creator Name: Alberto Giacometti; Date Created: 1956

a flower is dead

flower on dirt road

half buried, half dead

i ask

what boot would've squashed it

i must be going mad

'cos i see tears in there

a flower is dead today

why isn't the world crying

image courtsey, corbis.com

love me rich!!!

garib ke 100 ke khoye note ki tarah
maine jaani pyaar ki asli keemat
us ke chale jaane ke baad
aur de diya dil bada kar ke
jisko bhi mile
khush rahe woh

like a poor man's lost 100 rupee note
i realised love's true worth
only after it went away
and gave it with a big heart
to anyone who finds it
be joyous he should

i cudn't find a title to this one. somebody help me with it, pls.

image courtsey, corbis.com

weekend fun!!!

what a weekend should be like?
it should consist of two days, a saturday and a sunday. atleast the sunday is a must.
what one does normally in a weekend?
hmmm. actually there are a lot of options. but the rule is you shouldn't be doing what you normally do in the weekdays.
go laze around a cup of coffee, dream along with your soul mate, read the zahir, eat your friends' mind out, go make a freak show of a tragedy movie. shop, splurge, brunch, sleep, travel, trouble and tinker around with memories... seems there ARE a lot of things to do on a weekend. i normally roam out with friend's or if m very very tired, i sleep and read.
so, what was my weekend like?
normally i get only the sunday part as the official weekend. this time half of saturday was added in too. had to meet dee n her friend megha/sucharita. actually m confused what to call her. trying to define some short nomenaculture for her. normally i do this very quickly. maggie, she doesn't likes; su is too short; i think daffy is good. what do u say?
daffy because she is a bit intelligent for an aquarian. coincidentally, the three of us are aquarians. ofcourse, i can tell her this because i'm very fond of daffodils :)
the three of us met at the c.p. mac donald's. it was good, m looking forward to meet daffy more. it is another thing that her office timings are no diff then mine. she works as a german translator in well, a german airlines. forgets a lot of things. including mobile chargers. i only forget to charge my phone. occasionally.
then i went back to work. yup, work. till 10.

sunday was similar.
roamed around the delhi university, north campus and kamla nagar market with amrak n dee. sachin too joined us for an hour. it was fun. subdued sachin, volatile amrak, sweet dee and dumb me, make for an enjoyable day. i wish my hagrid was there with me. although, she n amrak might not be a very good combination to be around. hmmm.
after roaming around, falling, damaging my left knee, fine splitting my left kneed trouser, arguing, momos, coffee, 'chuski', i finally managed to get back to work around 5. which went on till 12:30. there was a talk show at ndtv which i was supposed to attend. as audience only. abhi, chief guest hone ke din nahi aye hain. yet to see the day when i'll be invited as the chief guest. couldn't go.
and i think this week got off in style. eating dinner served by dear pa ;)
rest, m at office. this will be a long day too.
will also get some time to blog-surf today. hope to see you guys in your varied avatars.
have a nice week ahead.
this is me n neeru last saturday and the above one is me n rashmi. m a little self-centred fella, i suppose.
there is an image of me n dee also, which when daffy mails me, i'll add here.

subah/ morning

jab subah hoti hai
aur le aati hai uske hone ka ehsaas
main sajde mein jhuka
khuda ka shukriya ada karta hoon
ek din aur diya toone mujhe
mohabbat ke liye

when the morning dawns
and brings her presence to me
i bow in reverence
and thank the god as i know
for one more day he has given me
to love

image courtsey, corbis.com

raat/ night

khuda kare
mere naseeb mein
aisi bhi koi ek raat ho
main usse yaad karoon
aur us se meri baat ho

may god grant
one such night
to my destiny
when, i remember her
and she talks to me

image courtsey, corbis.com

kisaan

chaurahe par
sacchi bhook ka jhoota natak karte huye
rajasthani si lagne wali in aurton ko
kayi baar dekha hai maine
aur thode dukh se
aur thodi bechargi se
moonh pher liya hai har baar
arre inka to kaam hai bheek mangna!
soch kar dil ko samjhaya hai har baar

phir bhi ek sawaal hai
jo mann beendhta hai baar baar
kisne in kisano ko alag kiya apni dharti se
aur la patka
shehar ke in beraham chaurahon par
sarkar ne?
bhagwan ne?
prakriti ne?
tum ne? ya, maine?

attempted translation for starry, sunshine and other non-hindi speaking people failed miserably...so pls. if any of you could do the honours, i'll truly grateful. kasam se!

this is a poem about some villager like families i see daily at the nehru place crossing. they look like rajasthani or gujarati farmers but what compelled them to leave everything behind and take shelter on the city roads tears me apart. for me, farmers and doctors are equal to god. what made my gods turn beggars?

this is the translation by aditi,

At the crossroad they stand of life and otherwise
Battling hunger, everyday a little she dies
I have seen her often in the same place
Every time I have managed to turn my face
How long can I look away from her suffering
When it touches me to the core of my being
I question whether its a facade or she really suffers
but the questions merely act as real life buffers
between my thought and the action of running a check
why the farmer was forced to leave his land and beg
Was it the system? the government, or simply nature's fury
was it you, was it me or that we shirked our duty?

and atul's version, you can check at
http://deterministichaos.wordpress.com/

Study for The Beggars by Kathe Kollwitz; Image: © Burstein Collection/CORBISArtwork: ©VG Bild-Kunst,
Bonn; Photographer: Barney Burstein; Creator Name: Kathe Kollwitz; Date Created: 1924

pyaar

pyaar
jaise school ka pehla din
jaise pehla ajnabi dost
aur dosti ka a-likha path

love
like the first day at school
like the first unknown friend
and friendship's unwritten lesson

Old Playfellows by Briton Riviere; Image: © Christie's Images/CORBIS; Creator Name: Briton Riviere; Date Created: 1883

october mubarak

pyaar
jaise sardiyon ki pehli sihran
jaise poonam ka pagal chand
aur chand ki meethi garmahat

hmmm. october three, two thousand and six. or is it seven? somehow dates don't look good in words.

i was wondering what i'll post today. morning helped me. baths have started being a bit cold and my favourite season is just round the corner.

it is in winters that i get some annual bulk, thanks to the layers of clothing i wear. soon i'll be spotted around in woolen caps and woolen shirts and woolen socks and basically, well, a lot of woolies.

though i'm more of a jacket person. i like things with pockets and spaces. the more, the better. they help me store various knick knacks. and also to forget them on the way back home. it was only the last year that i started wearing pullovers a bit.

apart from that much needed bulk, i feel winters are a bit more romantic than the rest of the year. rivalled only by a brief spurt of monsoon. well, i guess i should not be saying this actually :)

hmmm, october three, two thousand and six. somehow days do begin to look good in winters.

love
like winter's first shiver
like poonam's mad moon
and moon's sweet warmth

(poonam is the night of full moon. i didnt know how to put it there. starry, sunshine, as always u'll have to make do with my troubled translation.)

Happy October